For You songfic
by Maverick14th
Summary: Songfic of For You by Staind. Allen is going crazy from the Fourteenth but no one seems to care. What will happen to Allen? Will he submit to the Fourteenth or do something even worse?


Hey I'm back with something new. So I really like angst stories and I listened to this song on the way home from Thanksgiving and suddenly REALLY wanted to write a fanfiction about it. I never thought I'd write a songfic but this song just fit SO well with the idea I had for an angsty story so there. Hope you like it. The song is called For You by the band Staind.

I do not nor will I ever own D. Gray-man. (If I did Allen and Kanda would be together. The most recent chapter online kinda makes you think there is some yullen don't you think?)

This is not really Yullen but there is some little sweetness towards the end.

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><p><em>To my mother, to my father<br>It's your son or  
>It's your daughter<br>Are my screams loud enough for  
>You to hear me, should I turn this up for you<br>_

Allen stared at the ceiling as he smothered his screams with a pillow. He couldn't believe it. He was a Noah? An enemy of the Order? A servant of the Earl? It couldn't be. It just couldn't. There's no way. He was an exorcist with the duty to free the tortured souls of akuma. He couldn't a creature, barely human, that aided the Earl in **making** akuma. _Mana help me. What do I do? How am I supposed to keep walking if the Order thinks I am an enemy? What am I supposed to do now?_

_I sit here locked inside my head  
>Remembering everything you said<br>The silence gets us no where  
>Gets us no where way too fast<br>_

Allen stared at the dark shadow behind his shoulder, unnaturally wide grin stretched under dark pitted eyes. He knew that no one else could see the shadow of the Fourteenth behind him. He could only see it in a mirror. It terrified him immensely but there was nothing he could do about it, whenever he told someone about it they looked at him like he was crazy, and with a touch of fear. He didn't like that. He didn't want anyone to be afraid of him. He was still the same person as before dammit!

_The silence is what kills me  
>I need someone here to help me<br>But you don't know  
>How to listen<br>And let me make  
>My decision<br>_

Allen was sick of how the room would get quiet when he entered, only to start up again awkwardly, as if forced. He hated this. He wasn't some monster. He was his same old friendly self. People were treating Kanda better than they were him and Kanda was a completely ass! No one would even give him the chance to show that he was the same person! They just avoided him like he was diseased, they wouldn't talk to him if they could avoid it and he was starting to lose his patience.

_I sit here locked inside my head  
>Remembering everything you said<br>The silence gets us no where  
>Gets us no where way too fast<br>_

Allen sat with his legs folded on his bed, staring up at the painting of a clown carrying a coffin, being led with a chain on his wrist. _Is that what I've become? A chained clown? One that keeps on smiling even though he is being led to his death even as he carries the deaths of others? _Allen slipped out of his room and stood in front of one of the hall mirrors. He scowled at the grinning Fourteenth, was it closer to him than before? He bit his lip and crashed a fist into the mirror, cracks spiderwebbing outwards.

_Screw this. If they want to treat me like a monster then fine. I will do as I have been and protect them. I don't need any thanks from them. I am going to do what I can to help humans and akuma for as long as I am able._ He gripped his bleeding fist in his other hand, tears falling down his cheeks to burn in the many cuts on his hand.

_All your insults and your curses  
>Make me feel like I'm not a person<br>And I feel like I am nothing  
>But you made me so<br>Do something  
><em>

Allen walked through the halls, ignoring the whispers that erupted behind his back. He knew they wouldn't stop even if he approached them about it so he didn't waste his time. He was off for another mission. He had been demanding them from Komui as often as possible and his stony gaze brought no argument. _He didn't care what people thought anymore_ is what he told himself, feeling a sharp pain in his chest with each new gossiper. He heard Lenalee's and Lavi's voice hush as he passed them and quickly ducked into a narrow hall once he was well past them. He couldn't believe it. His _friends_ were talking about him behind his back. _Not anmore. They're not my friends anymore. I don't need friends. I just need to keep protecting the akuma. That's all I need._ His heart hurt and he clenched a hand to his chest as he felt something wither inside him.

_'Cause I'm fucked up  
>Because you all need attention<br>Attention you couldn't give  
><em>

Allen collapsed into his bed. He finally got back from his mission after the nurse let him leave. She was too curious about the many gashes that went up and down his arms, there were so many Allen's skin almost wasn't visible anymore. Allen didn't care about them, he barely felt the nurse clean them out with alcohol. He had managed to convince her that they were from his mission, he had fought an akuma that had whips with thorns as arms and she had let him go. He unwrapped one of the bandages on his wrist and drew a small sharp knife across the scarred skin. He barely felt it as it split his flesh, deep red staining the other wrappings. He kept the knife in his room under his mattress for times like these. He had been feeling strange lately, like he was dying a little inside each time he came back to the Order only to hear whispers and have people avert their gaze from him. He was starting to hate coming back to this place he had called home. Cutting helped relieve some of his frustration but he knew he couldn't cut too deep otherwise people would suspect something was up.

_Wait, what do they care. No one but Komui has talked to me in months since they told everyone I have the Fourteenth in me. No one cares what I do as long as I don't cause any harm. Even Komui only talks to me to give me missions. Its not like he actually cares to see me. Maybe I should just leave. Solve their problem for them._

_'Cause I sit here locked inside my head  
>Remembering everything you said<br>The silence gets us no where  
>Gets us no where way too fast<br>_

He closes his eyes, trying to get a few hours of sleep at least. He hadn't been sleeping well. All he heard when he closed his eyes were the whispers of the people of the Order, the fearful looks on their faces. Sometimes he thought he could hear their thought; _Monster. Freak. He can't be an exorcist. Noah. He'll kill us all. He's with the Earl. He's not loyal to the Order anymore. He should be caught while he still has some control._ He shook his head hard. How could they understand? Tears flowed down his face. This was so hard. The Fourteenth attacked his mind day after day. He was resisting for their sake. Why didn't they see that? It hurts to be here. Too much. It's not even worth being here anymore.

_I sit here locked inside my head  
>Remembering everything you said<br>The silence gets us no where  
>Gets us no where way too fast<em>

A scream shook the Order awake. It was the middle of the night but Komui knew that scream, they all did, there was only one girl at this branch; Lenalee. The supervisor raced towards the direction the scream came from, it was from the older living quarters. Only one person was currently living in the old quarters, everyone else had upgraded to the larger rooms, the old rooms were a bit cramped and stuffy. Only Allen was living in this area of the Order.

Komui's mind was racing as he was joined by Kanda and Lavi, Allen's old friends. _Did something happen to Allen? Did he do something to Lenalee? Did the Fourteenth wake up? Crap what am I going to do? We aren't equipped to deal with a Noah now._

They reached the room and opened the door slowly, it creaked loudly but could not hide the soft whimpers coming from inside. Lenalee was sitting on the floor as if she had fallen, staring wide eyed at the bed in the room. Satisfied that his sister was safe he was about to look at the bed when he saw the expressions of the two young men behind him. Lavi's eyes were huge in shock, mouth slack in horror. Kanda's expression was a rare one: his eyes were wider than Komui had ever seen, there was also a pain in his dark eyes that surprised Komui, Kanda's mouth was drawn down, in his version of shock. Komui turned to the bed to see what had caused this reaction from the men and his sister and stopped dead.

He had to force himself to breathe several seconds later. His eyes moistened and tears began to fall from his eyes. On the bed, sprawled out on the bed was Allen.

His eyes were open and Komui could see immense pain in the glazed silver orbs. His gentle mouth was twisted into a harsh grimace. His already pale skin was bleached with a slight blue tinge to it. His soft skin had set and looked hard, like marble. Allen looked like a statue of some rueful god, the only color on his was the dark red still flowing from his slashed wrist. One arm was thrown over the edge of the bed, rich lifeblood forming a lake of blood on the tile floor.

Allen Walker was dead. He had cut his own wrist to the bone.

Lenalee started to sob loudly but seemed unable to rise from her position on the floor. Komui was silent as tears ran down his face but made no move towards the still boy. There was movement behind him and to his surprise Kanda made his way through the blood on the floor to the fallen boy. He took a piece of bandage still wrapped around Allen's arm and unwrapped it to cover the bleeding wound. He stopped and showed the many scars inflicted on Allen's arm and saw that the only limb was the same. His mouth twisted into a tense frown but he still covered the wound tightly.

He bowed his head, dark hair creating a curtain and he whispered "baka Moyashi" to the dead boy. A single drop fell to the pale cheek before Kanda bent to lift the stiffening body of the Destroyer of Time and headed in to the hall towards the office of the Order coroner.

It was time to put Allen finally to rest. He wouldn't have to walk anymore.

* * *

><p>OMG I KILLED ALLEN! I know I know! I'm terrible! But he is the best character to kill off for major angst. I kind of like and kind of hate how I made Allen in this. I like when he's badass so i like to picture him being all cold and resentful. I guess he's kind of a tsundere in this? Except a tsundere wouldn't cut their wrists. Oh well. So not really much romance in this. Didn't say there was going to be any. So like it? hate it? Let me know! Please! I really do like reviews!<p> 


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